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Adventures in the World of Foot Fetish

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FOOTMAN [Jun. 25th, 2006|01:11 am]
Adventures in the World of Foot Fetish
[Tags|, , , ]
[Current Location |In the home]
[mood |creative]

This is in reference to one of M's earlier posts about FOOTMAN and his long, loquacious essay of an e-mail. I just wanted to say that FOOTMAN would have made a terrible comic book superhero (Look! From his grandmother's basement emerges... FOOTMAN! Aided by his prodigal young sidekick, kid back-of-the-knee, there is no crime he can't solve, and no villain he can't defeat, using his mighty power of being strangely aroused by women's feet!).
People that have a fetish for feet AND superheroes. That's who that would appeal to. And that brings me to my next point: crossover fetishes. Like, if you weren't just into feet, you were also into pee or something. But they had to coincide, or you could experience nothing sexual. Only pee-on-feet will do it for you. I feel bad for these guys. They combine these things into tghe most niche fetishes possible, so it's impossible to find ANYTHING on the entire internet that actually appeals to them. It's like, 'Man, if you thought normal bestiality porn was hard to find, imagine how difficult it will be once you combine it with your pedophilic urges.' Poor bastard.
The moral for today is: just meet people normally, not on Craigslist, and then when you do meet them, hope to God that you can get off without having to pee on their feet or something like that.
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Wanna meet? No. [Jun. 25th, 2006|01:05 am]
Adventures in the World of Foot Fetish
[Tags|, , ]
[Current Location |In the home]
[mood |crappycrappy]

So, one of the most annoying things about this is, as in the last entry, guys wanting to meet. If I wanted to meet, I would have said something in the ad, or expressed an interest, or, at the very least, I would actually be gay. I'm 0 for 3 on those.
If anyone asks, I say something ridiculous like I'm moving (like that has anything to do with anything). If anyone confronts me, I'm going to say it's like a Pretty Woman kind of thing (if you kiss my feet, I'm afraid I might fall in love). In reality, it's more of a Silence of the Lambs thing (I'm afraid you'll mace me, hit me with a blackjack, chain me up in your basement, alternate tickling me with a feather from your dead cockatoo and beating me with an old piece of extension cord, until I with away into a shaggy-haired husk and you cut off my feet and keep them in your freezer/under your bed to occasionally remove and masturbate with). The chances of either are slim to nil, but let's just say I haven't read a true crime book yet about a guy falling in love with a foot fetishist.
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Transcripts #2 [Jun. 24th, 2006|02:52 am]
Adventures in the World of Foot Fetish
E: these idiots think I want to meet, and have sex
E: that's three wrongs
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And I quote... #1 [Jun. 24th, 2006|02:35 am]
Adventures in the World of Foot Fetish
The real juicy parts of this whole situation are the e-mails.
Most, so far, are little one-liners. "Hey. I want 2 see ur sweet feets. Im for SERIOUS."
But, some are inclined to go a little further...


"you claim to have cute feet, so, I am a "FOOTMAN" and thus, I would love to see your feet."
>> What! First of all, who has lied to you in the past about their cute feet? Who has damaged your ability to trust so? We've gotten so many e-mails DEMANDING proof of my cute feet. It's crazy. I can understand wanting to sample the goods before you buy, but these e-mails we get are so distrustful and confrontational. E wants to know what the fuck kind of superhero he is with a name like FOOTMAN - is there a sidekick involved? Maybe Kid Elbows.

Anyway, this nut goes on to detail his opinions on cute feet:

"yet, I think women with long toenails are not attractive, PERIOD! Heck, when Pam Anderson first started this fad, even she stopped being hot to me."

>> AH! He goes on to say that french tips are the worst because the white makes it even more obvious that the toe nails are longer. Oh my god, i didn't even know that long toenails were a fad. I'm so out of it, i'll never make it in this buisness.

"Plus, I think if you have cute feet, why paint the toes (unless you are in an evening gown or something fancy, right? I mean, fat women love to paint their nails (both finger and toe) with glitter, fancy jewelry, etc.....Yet, the bottom line, they have non cute feet."

>> Yeah, those fatties always have all the good polish. They always push me out of the way with their dumpy feet when it's sale time.

"If they are cute, (do you have a good arch) I would be open to ask for a movie/pics of you giving a foot job with them. I would ask for a certain position that (IMHO) is the hottest and best way to receive a foot job. I have pay pal."

>> Uh oh. I have pretty flat feet! He's going to think i'm a monster! I that this certain position he has in mind will hide the fact that i have monstrous feet.
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Actual Transcripts [Jun. 24th, 2006|02:43 am]
Adventures in the World of Foot Fetish
[Tags|, ]
[Current Location |In the home]
[mood |confusedconfused]
[music |Tibetian scream-singing]

E: Hey, some guiy said he'd give me $100 plus tip to touch and lick my feet
E: now, what is the funniest part of that?
M: what?
E: if you answered "plus tip" then you are correct
M: haha
E: how the hell do you determine an appropriate tip for foot fetishism?
E: is there a chapter in the miss manners book about that?
E: or is it the standard 15-20 percent, for prompt and polite service?
M: probably
M: it probably goes by time
M: like, how that guy wanted to do me [ejaculate on her feet, in case you were wondering, and I know you were] in under 30 minuites
M: he probably didn't want to have to up the tip

I just hope that people with fetishes eventually find out that the people they fixate on probably talk about them, much like this.
To continue, though, the $100 is basically just an arbitrarily decided amount. why not just include the tip in the agreed upon price, the way they include tax in the price of stamps?
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his feet // her feet [Jun. 24th, 2006|02:35 am]
Adventures in the World of Foot Fetish
[mood |cheerfulcheerful]

Yes, E & M are dating. They are a radical couple.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
HIM | He's a sexy size 14 college student.
fun foot fact : I've broken my pinky toe once, but I forget which foot.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
HER | She's a sizzlin' size 7.5 undergrad.
fun foot fact : My feet used to smell like peanut butter because i ate so many damn PB&J sandwhiches.
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The origins [Jun. 24th, 2006|01:56 am]
Adventures in the World of Foot Fetish
[Current Location |In the home]
[mood |busy]
[music |Does anybody honestly care? Honestl]

I wanted to expand the horizons of exploiting creeps by selling them used socks. Frankly, it's hilarious. It's something that's normally patently offensive, but box them up and ship them to San Francisco (and don't lie, they're responsible for so much weird shit it's not even funny) and you make somebody's day.
I got the idea from a friend of mine. He was selling something on e-bay (headphones, i think), and the guy that bought whatever he was selling caught a gander and my friend in the picture, modeling the headphones (yeah, I'm just going with headphones now, screw it) and saw something he liked. He asked him if he could buy his socks (I forgot for how much, but it was around $20, I believe), after they'd been worn. After this transaction... occurred (that sounds correct), Mr. internet asked if he could buy some of my friend's worn underwear, or, if that was too much, just a rag soaking in his, for a lack of better words, man-marmalade. This was a bit much for my friend (It would be so much easier if I could use his name, but he would brutally murder me, so... alright), so he stopped communication right there.
Frankly, I would've done it. He's just so damn insecure. So what? Some guy wants to smell something you've owned, maybe have some discrete sexual contact with it, keep it under his bed. It's not like he's going to take your chub-chowder and make a clone of you. Geeze, man, take a chill pill.
As I write this, $50 cash are supposedly rocketing their way towards my home right now, in exchange for a sweaty old t-shirt I was going to donate to Goodwill anyway. So, I guess the moral of this post is; Fuck Goodwill, give me $50 and abuse my clothing.
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Insecurity [Jun. 24th, 2006|02:03 am]
Adventures in the World of Foot Fetish
[mood |boredbored]

So, my problem is that - although i don't find feet particularly attractive one way or the other, i think mine look kind of dumb. And i don't want that to scare off potential foot benefactors! My toes take up 1/3 of my foot for goodness sake! They're so freaking long. I can easily pick crap up with them. I'm a freaking mutant. And my pinky toe is all hunch-backed.

Anyway, so far - my favorite of my foot suitors, is the guy who wants to buy me shoes and have me model them for him. Because i am totally into free shoes and if they're ugly - there's always e-bay.
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Judgement, or lack thereof [Jun. 24th, 2006|01:46 am]
Adventures in the World of Foot Fetish
[Current Location |in the home]
[music |who the hell cares?]

The hardest thing about this, in my opinion, is trying to gauge how we stack up, relative to other people's feet. We have no idea what is attractive, foot-wise.
Some guy went off in a long tangent in her e-mail about horrible fat women's feet, and the crime against humanity that is French Nails, and all these other ridiculous things, and it just makes me feel so out of my element. Telling the difference between feet is like trying to determine which tree is sexier. Neither, and I don't care.
Too bad that doesn't stop creeps from going on three paragraph long diatribes in our e-mail inboxes about how awesome footjobs are.
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